Intro paragraph: synopsis of your wok

AS I've said in the general guidelines for Q1a/1b, you should start by providing a brief summary of what you did at AS + A2. This needs to include a synopsis  a very brief outline of your narrative, which say something along the lines of

At AS following a prelimary task to evidence my grasp of continuity editing techniques I constructed the opening two minutes of a new feature film, including titles, based around...

• a period drama set in WW2, featuring the female protagonist receiving a letter from a uniformed soldier informing her of her lover's death, using a piano-based non-diegetic soundtrack at key points to emphasize the emotional and romantic aspects of the narrative
• a rom-com showing a young office worker rushing to get out for work, and tripping himself up just as he spots what will be the love interest; our titles were constructed using various diegetic devices, such as fridge magnets and a spilled box of cereal, spelling out names (as seen in the comedy Napoleon Dynamite)
• a slasher featuring two friends making the deadly mistake of taking a shortcut through some woods, where one disappears, leaving his friend to try and make it back to safety. Our non-diegetic music got louder and faster as the stalker's presence became apparent, and we ended the opening on the bloodied hand of the first victim stretching out in a futile gesture, taking some inspiration from Marion Crane's death throes in the iconic shower scene in Psycho.
• a horror movie inspired by The Ring in which our protagonist is seen confused and panicked, running out of a building; he appears to hallucinate an ominous female character

The above examples were from past AS pieces. Depending on the 1a Q, it can be useful to instantly flag up the development from AS to A2, perhaps by stressing the generic nature of the AS work and the partial challenging of conventions with your video (or an improved appreciation of multiple audiences and how to appeal to these).

HERE'S AN ACTUAL EXAMPLE FROM A STUDENT IN JUNE 2010 (Q1a FOCUS: r+p)

I feel that my production skills from foundation to Advanced have greatly improved. [:UNNECESSARY WAFFLE?] My thriller opening sequence was about two men who prey on suicidal teenage girls on the internet, titled “Caught in the Web.” The men rape and murder their victims but frame it as a suicide, using the suicide support website (where they preyed on them) as evidence of this suicide. It is a dark enigmatic and gripping film which captivates the audience (according to my feedback). My music video (Advanced Portfolio) is to the song “Voodoo Child” originally by Rogue Traders, but our girlband uses the name The Vixens. We used 4 girls and our video transports the audience to the mind of the main girl, where her alter-egos (dressed as the deadly sins) corrupt her. It is a racy funky video that creates a strong band image.

Your thoughts on this? Imagine YOU were the examiner; does this convey a strong image to you of the AS + A2 productions?